I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
