The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
