oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
