You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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