There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
