i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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