It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
