i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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