I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
