this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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