dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
