He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
