i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
