I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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