did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
