Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
