I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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