woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
