why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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