At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
