I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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