id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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