I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
