she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
