the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
