We won't sleep together?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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