nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
