you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
