Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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