i jhust puked up my retainher.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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