Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
