I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
