so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
