Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
