If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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