Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
