Umm I'm too high to move.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
