Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
