she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
