It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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