remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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