The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
