I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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