so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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