Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
50% drunk capacity currently
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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