Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
