i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
