Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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