He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
