My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
