Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
