and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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