who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
