Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
