I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
